> Un tinar si o tinara evrei, ortodocsi, pregatindu-se pentru cununia
> religioasa se intilnesc cu rabbi pentru sfaturi. La plecare, rabbinul
> ii intreaba daca mai au si alte intrebari.
> Barbatul intreaba:
> - Rabbi, stiu ca traditia ne spune sa dansam barbatii cu barbatii si
> femeile cu femeile.
> Totusi, am dori aprobarea sa putem dansa impreuna.
> - Sub nici o forma - raspunse rabbi. Nu este permis ca barbatul sa
> danseze cu femeia.
> - Deci nici macar dupa casatorie nu pot sa dansez cu sotia mea?
> - Nu - raspunse rabbi. Este interzis.
> - OK - zise barbatul. Dar sex? Pot in sfirsit sa am sex cu sotia mea?
> - Bineinteles - raspunse rabbi. Sex este Mitzvah (bun) in casatorie,
> sa faceti copii!
> - OK. Dar ca pozitii?
> - Oricum. E mitzvah!
> - Femeia deasupra?
> - Bineinteles! E mitzvah!
> - Ciineste?
> - Bineinteles! E mitzvah!
> - Pe masa de bucatarie?
> - Bineinteles! E mitzvah!
> - Pe un covor de cauciuc, cu o sticluta cu ulei cald, citeva
> vibratoare, hamuri de piele, un borcanel de miere si cu citeva filme
> porno?
> - Bineinteles! E mitzvah!
> - Putem sa o facem si stind in picioare?
> - Nu, sub nicio forma, e interzis!
> - De ce - intreba barbatul.
> - Poate sa devina dans!

sper ca nu te deranjeaza ca postez si eu bancuri la tine

Ion termina Facultatea de Medicina si e repartizat intr-un sat. Acolo medicul batran il informeaza ca nu poate sta cu el prima saptamana (cum ar fi trebuit) si pleaca spunandu-i sa fie atent la ce face. Se intoarce peste 7 zile si-l intreaba ce a facut. La care Ion ii spune:
- Prima data a venit o baba ca o durea capul, asa ca i-am dat un calmant.
A doua oara a venit un copil julit la genunchi, asa ca am curatat rana, am dezinfectat-o si l-am pansat. Vineri cand sa inchid cabinetul a venit Maria, a incuiat usa, s-a dezbracat si s-a intins pe masa spunandu-mi:
- Ioane, nu am vazut barbat de trei luni!
Medicul, cu sufletul la gura, il intreaba pe Ion:
- Si ce-ai facut?
- I-am pus picaturi in ochi!

Why God made Moms - BRILLIANT answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions.

Why did God make mothers?

1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.

2. Mostly to clean the house.

3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?

1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.

2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring

3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He Just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of?

1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.

2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you Your mother & not some other mom?

1. We're related

2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.

What kind of little girl was your mom?

1. My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.

2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.

3. They say she used to be nice.

What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?

1. His last name.

2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?

3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your mom marry your dad?

1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot.

2. She got too old to do anything else with him.

3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

Who's the boss at your house?

1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.

2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.

3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

What's the difference between moms & dads?

1. Moms work at work and work at home & dads just go to work at work.

2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.

3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.

4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your mom do in her spare time?

1. Mothers don't do spare time.

2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your mom perfect?

1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.

2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your Mom, what would it be?

1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.

2. I'd make my Mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me

3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

Bula, moare. De pacatos ce era, a fost trimis in iad. La usa iadului, un drac, il ia de mana sa-l duca la locul lui. Trec prin mai multe incaperi in care Bulă vede cate un cazan in mijloc si cate o armata de draci cu polonice in maini. Cum scotea capul afara din cazan cate un pacatos, poc in cap: "treci la loc". Ajunge Bula intr-o incapere unde cazanul fiebea "bine merci" in mijloc, dar nici un drac langa cazan. Dracul ce-l insotea pe Bula ii spune acestuia sa intre in cazan. Bula, nedumerit il intraba:
- Drace, dar aici ma voi plictisi singur, de ce nu m-ai lasat in una din celelalte camere sa am si eu tovarasi? -crezand ca in acel cazan nu era nimeni de moment ce nu erau draci in jurul lui sa pocneasca cu polonicele pe cei care ar fi vrut sa iese afara.
Dracul ii raspunde:
- Intra, Bula, aici. Nu vei fi singur. Aici sunt toate neamurile tale si toti prietenii tai.
Si mai nedumerit, cu o scanteie de speranta in suflet, Bula cere lamuriri:
- Drace, dar cum de nu scoate nimeni capul afara, e asa de bine acolo?
Dracul il lamureste imediat:
- Bula, aici facem cea mai mare economie de forta de munca din iad pentru ca aici, cum incearca unul sa scoata afara capul, ceilalti il trag inapoi.

Un francez vrea sa testeze daca scotienii sunt chiar asa de zgarciti precum se spune. Asa ca se decide sa plece in Scotia.
Trece granita Scotiei si printr-un satuc i se face sete. Isi ia inima in dinti si bate la usa unei case. Ii iese in intampinare un mos. Francezul ii cere apa. Dupa jumatate de minut mosul vine cu un bol plin cu lapte.
Francezul savureaza jumatate din castron dupa care spune:
-Dar voi nu sunteti zgarciti deloc! Ce se vorbeste nu este adevarat! Am cerut apa si am primit un bol cu lapte. Multumes!
-Ei, baiete. Cu placere! Na, nimeni nu mai vroia sa bea laptele ala ca acolo sa ineca un sobolan.
Francezul scapa bolul din mana la auzul acestor vorbe. Mosneagul il dojeni:
- Dupa ce ca eu ti-am dat lapte tu imi si spargi oala de noapte a bunicii?